A GHOST AND A NAPKIN WALK INTO A BAR
(text skriven tillsammans med en artificiell intelligens. Jag skrev den första meningen och lät sedan AI:n generera ett antal varianter på en fortsättning.)
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. They choose a snifter, a pitcher of cola, and a freshly-heated draft of whiskey. What are we to think of these choices?
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. They neither kill nor blow someone up, but they sit there and drink all night and everyone on Earth tries to tell them that one of them is a ghost. And they try to tell themselves that one of them is a napkin, because they only have their bodies. But if they wanted to be anything else, why would they do it?
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. The first thing they might do is pretend to say something, like ”Two cups of coffee please” or ”Give me a jolly good old fashioned American meat and potatoes,” and just stand there grinning and sipping their coffee. You can imagine the automatic satirical reaction that a mere word like ”meat” would invoke. Who would actually actually do this?
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. They beat each other senseless with wood, knives, fire and a barrel of a gun. They devour everything. Every word, every tale, every foul insult they can fathom. They throw up. They drink until they are a vomiting mass. Then they vomit out everything that has ever been alive.
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. ”I don’t think you’ve ever seen a ghost before,” says the ghost, and then starts to shuffle around the bar. ”How odd,” says the barman, ”I don’t think I have, either.” ”A spoon moves in a drawer.” ”A teddy bear sits on the ledge of a balcony,” says the barman, but he’s the only one who notices. ”A chip fall breaks a glass,” says the ghost. ”I bet you haven’t seen that one either,” says the barman.
He is searching your Facebook history . ”This isn’t interesting at all,” he thinks.
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. __________ The man behind the counter cries, ”So sorry, I didn’t mean to take advantage of you!” He waves the napkin. It disappears.
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. I’d like to point out that the ghost has giant hair, eyeglasses, a mane of white hair, and a body made of different colored lightbulbs. The napkin is made of garbage, and just happens to look like a hand with fingers. What the hell. The guy behind the bar has a big blind spot, or maybe he was stuck up in an old Nazi bunker. At least the guy is playing solitaire.
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. The bartender turns around, cuts a paper napkin in half and tells him to write the time on it, but it’s still out of order. The ghost walks in, cuts a napkin in half and asks the bartender what happened. The bartender tells him that they don’t know the time because they still haven’t figured out how to measure the time down from where it comes. The ghost says that you can’t tell the time down from where it comes, and it’s still out of order. The bartender says that he was the one to invent the tabulation system, and that’s how they’re supposed to deal with it.
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. The latter is always a problem, because the ghost is often kind of creepy and will scrawl things into the napkin while you’re not looking, but nevertheless, is this really the ghost of Chuck Nice? Why have you been so damn tired? Were you hungry, my little friend? You look… so… healthy…
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. The owner takes the napkin and uses it to wipe some eyeballs out, when the ghost stops the owner asks: ”Hey, what do you mean, clean your bar?”
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. That’s all they need to know. This segment features what I thought was a plot for season 7. It doesn’t quite work, but it’s a start.
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. The ghosts are made of sandwiches. The napkins are made of yarn and are named after real people that have never been named because they are ghosts and that is why they need a napkin.
A ghost and a napkin walk into a bar. ”Get some now” someone tells the ghost in the ghost costume. ”We’re out of beer” says the bartender in the dirty napkin disguise.
A ghost and a napkin walks into a bar. They ____ at each other. A bed and a candle walk into a dream. They ____ and ____ and ____. A chair and a photo frame walk into a locker room. They ____ at each other. A desk and a fish walk into a lab. They ____ and ____ and ____. A delivery person walks into a prison. They ____ and ____ and ____. A delivery man and a table walk into a trailer park. They ____ and ____ and ____. A fountain and a phone booth walk into a bar. They ____ and ____ and ____. A gavel and a plaque walk into a church. They ____ and ____ and ____
b a r k f i s k h a n t e r i n g 